I started this blog to write in a professional way. To give a direction to my writing and as you can see I have failed miserably in that. Now instead of writing professionally I'll write about what I'm feeling about different things.
I'm feeling really down at this moment. Uncertainty is what makes life worth living. Uncertainty is what makes it worth to give it all and push yourself beyond the boundaries but it is also the uncertainty which makes us feel tired and hopeless for the future.
I'm in one of those situations where you become completely hopeless for the future. There is always a way out no matter what the situation is, this line looks cool and easy to practice in theory but when it comes to real life, it's real hard.
Let's talk about the situation which has made me to be hopeless for the future. The thing about this situation is that almost every human being have been through this situation. Situation called "one sided feelings". It's one of the shitiest situations to be in, I tell you. And this ends with you being left in a dark and lonely place, all alone. Yes, you will be physically present between people doing all your activities but mentally you will feel exausted and trapped. There is no definite way out of this situation and it varies from person to person, this makes it even more shitty. Some people have casual effects of this situation, but there are people like me who feel severe effects of this. So severe that they have to write about it to let it all out. People handle these situations according to their circumstances, by taking advice from friends, from people around them and some privileged people can take advice from their family. But if we broadly see the picture then we can divide the people in this situation in two categories - first category consist of people who are okay with these feelings and opt to stay in contact with the person they have feelings for. Courageous people! They are the people who term one sided love as the purest form of love and take pride while saying that one sided love is their own and no one else have the right on their feelings, not even the person they feelings for. Salute to these people.
Second category consist of people like me who are not so good with these feelings and as a result end up being miserable. There is no pride for us in this situation. This situation is like self inflicted wound for us. So to heal we have to get away from the person we have feelings for, even if we don't want. If we don't, we'll never heal.
"One sided feelings are like untamed monster. If you let them loose they'll destroy you."
One sided love is not love. It's a battle. A battle against your feelings, your emotions, against yourself. You battle with reality in one sided love and fight for something which will eventually destroy you. It's a dangerous battle because you fight this while believing your fantasies, not in reality. It's a battle you can't win. A war you can't stop. It's losing over and over again.
"You put x+1 efforts for someone who puts at least x efforts for you"
One sided love is torture. You keep waiting for something which might never happen. You completely devote yourself to someone who doesn't even see you. You keep thinking about someone day and night just to know that you never cross their mind. It's like experiencing hell while you are alive.
One sided love is the road which leads to self-destruction. You loose your worth. You start to doubt yourself, things you are capable of, just because somebody didn't reciprocated your feelings. Your minor flaw become havoc for you. You start to feel like you'll never be loved because no one was able to love back. No one you truly wanted you.
These are the things one sided love is capable of doing to you. And they are not positive things.
"Love is the only thing in this whole universe which doesn't hurt"
Love is loyalty. It's commitment. It's reassurance. It's intimacy. It's depth. It's strength. Real love heals. One-sided love breaks. One-sided love is poetic term of suffering. It's poetic term of heartbreak.
You don't need to get your heart broken just to understand and feel the lyrics of the songs, okay.
This whole thing feels so negative. But we need to think positively in every situation. I'm not writing this because this shit hurts like hell and there is no way out other than to write about it. I'm writing about this because I'm positive that these days have come to pass away. I'm writing because it helps when you see how much you have grown.
More than anything I'm writing to let my girl know how much I have waited for her. How much I have endured for her. I write to show her that the sea which will be quite in the future was so rough in the past. I write to show her how hard I have climbed that dark, deep hole dug by one-sided feelings to feel the freshness of her love which is like the first breeze of the spring. The breeze which doesn't give new life to dead land and plants but fills them with hope for the future. I write to tell her that she was my hope for future, tiny ray of sunshine. I write to let her know that I was looking forward for her arrival in my life.
People write to their partners after meeting them but here I am writing to my girl without knowing who she is, such is the impact of one-sided feelings on my mind.
I have been advised many times to start seeing girls. To start dating just to see how things go. I have tried many times but at the end I just give up because I can't date someone just for the sake of dating. It's all the game of feelings for me.
So, I just go with my own mantra. That mantra is :-
"I'll Wait For Ya!"
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